How many of you have heard this line in your lives?  We heard this as children when we had the chicken pox.  We heard it as children when it came to wasps and bees.  We hear it when it comes to annoying people.  I have to say, “Just leave it alone and it won’t bother you” is total and utter bullshit!

I’ve tried using the “Leave it alone” philosophy while at work, just to test it out, and it didn’t work there.  I tried using it here, with Springs1’s comments, and yet again, it was proven wrong.

Tonight at work, I had a really obnoxious table of 4.  Shaqualla and her boyfriend Ernesto, the ghetto black trash, and their white trailer park trash friends LaNettaRetta and Butterfinger.  I went up to them, just like I would with any other table.  Before I even have a chance to speak or introduce myself, LaNettaRetta the hick starts yelling at me,

“We done been waitin on this table fuh 20 minutes, now the happy houah is ovah.  We still gon’ get tha happy houah prahces on tha dranks rahght?”  The entire place was next to empty, so I knew it was a lie, plus I was the only one in the entire area serving.  I’m not stupid, when I have no tables, you’re not gonna pull THAT one over on me.

“No ma’am, because you walked right in and sat down, I’m disinclined to believe that you’ve been waiting for your table for 20 minutes.  I’m Ribeye, and I’ll be taking care of you tonight.  Can I get you all started with something to drink, maybe a Jack and coke or a Grey Goose and red bull?”  I stopped suggesting the signature drinks, it just got boring.

“We ain’t gonna have no dranks now, you ain’t gonna give us no damn discount, you be bullshittin.”  Shaqualla says to me. “Dis be da smokin room right?”

“No, the entire building is now non-smoking.”

“Dat be bullshit!”  I see all four of them putting up their marlboro reds and black and milds.  I’m in no mood for this shit, so I cut it short and get their drink orders.

As I’m coming back with their drinks, Butterfinger and LaNettaRetta have started making out, and Shaqualla and Ernesto have started arguing.  From what I overheard as I slowed down, Ernesto got a call on his cell from another girl.

“Oh Hell No!  How you gonna have some bitch call you while we be out havin a romantic dinnah?  You be bullshittin.  Gimme dat fuckin phone, imma cuss dat bitch out.  You betta get huh up heah, Imma kick dat bitches ass.”

I’m starting to get amused, and I get to the table to drop the drinks off.  I sense they’re not ready to order as their menus haven’t been closed, they’re still making out and arguing, so I start to walk off…

“Where is you goin?”  Ernesto bellows.  I turn back around.  “We been ready ta ordah dis whole time man, and you just be ignorin us.  Why you playin?”  Halloween always brings out the weirdos.

I get their orders, which surprisingly have no major changes other than no onions on the 2 burgers for the guys, and I decide to leave them alone, using the philosophy of “Leave it alone and it won’t bother you.”  Little did I know….

“Hey, you, brang me anotha drank.”  I hear LaNettaRetta yell while I’m at another table across the room.  I look around at her and just hold up my finger.

“I know you didn jus flip me off!”

“No, I didn’t but if you can’t see I’M AT ANOTHER TABLE, YOU’LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT A MINUTE.”  I yell back at her.  Probably not the best idea to yell, but I didn’t care.  The table I was at, an older african american couple who I’ve been waiting on for the past few months always get a kick out of how I deal with morons.  Just to piss off Shaqualla and LaNettaRetta, I sit down with my older couple, we’ll call them Howard and Rita and proceed to have a conversation with them about  my upcoming dental surgery.  Howard just had basically the same thing done that I’m having and he was letting me know about the recovery time and such.

“Hurry da fuck up wit huh drank, you be too damn slow.”  Ernesto yells.  Howard and Rita are starting to get irritated at the kids, so I move them farther away from them (they didn’t want to trouble me, I offered to move them to another table.)  I walk back over to the trash table, and one by one look them straight in the eyes.

“Do not again yell at me across the room, and do NOT again curse at me or I’ll have you all tossed out of here on your ASSES!”  I slide LaNettaRetta’s Coors Light across the table, spilling half of it, and I storm off.  Rita’s watching me and laughing her head off.  I love it when older people laugh, it makes them live longer I’ve heard, and these two are just class acts!

Next thing I know, trash table is talking to the manager, and proceed to cuss him out for defending me.  They were tossed out on their asses.

Now for a different subject.  I’ve been noticing in the comments recently that Springs1 says a server shouldn’t pick up dishes on the way to her table.  I have to say this.  Multitasking is ESSENTIAL to good service.  For instance:  I’m on the way to get a drink order from table 3, and I pass by table 1 that needs prebussing on the way.  I pick up the couple of plates, and stop by table 3 and get the order.  On the way, I pick up a couple more plates, and stop by table 5 to ask how they’re doing and if they need anything else.  I drop all plates into the bus tub and get drinks.  I make another round, dropping off and picking up things as I go.  That’s just how service works.  No, sometimes it’s not going to look great to the crazy bitch who spends her time critiquing the service rather than enjoying the time with her husband, but that’s life.

Another example.  I take an order from table 6.  On the way to the computer to put in the order, I slow down and prebuss a table.  I also get a refill order from table 4, and take a second to grab the check from table 3.  I go to the computer, dropping off dirty dishes on the way, and put in the order.  I then cash out the check, and on the way to bring change, I prebuss another table.

Let’s ask you all, because we know how Springs feels about this.  Would you be offended if I stopped on the way to the computer to pick up a plate or an empty glass right after taking your order?  Would you be pissed off if I stopped to get a drink refill order on the way to put in your order?  Or would you be surprised at my time management skills, and know that I’m being efficient?

Ribeye

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