I hate it when people get totally drunk in my presence.  I used to be drunk all the time, so part of it is a constant reminder of what I used to be.  The other part of it is that drunk people are just plain annoying.

A few weeks ago I had a group of guys, frat guys by the greek lettering on their shirts and caps, that came in for dinner and some drinks.  They seemed to be friendly at first, and  we weren’t all that busy, so I figured, let’s get them drunk and get their cash.  They always tip well because they’re trying to impress some girl(s) they’ve met during their visit.

It started out great.  I bring them a round of Jager Bombs, basic shooter, nice price for the lack of liquor they get.  I brought them appetizers, and they ordered entrees.  I noticed when I carded them they had Vandy school ID.  Vandy kids usually tip well, so I was even more happy.

Another round of Jager Bombs, and a round of bud light bottles.  I start wondering how long these 4 kids are going to be there.  I don’t mind, they’re fun to look at, and they’re nice….little did I know that things were going to change.

After they ate their food, they wanted to order another round of Jager bombs, along with a round of cuervo shots.

“Guys, I can only bring out one shot apiece right now, ya’ll have already had a bit.”

“What do you mean?  You’re not gonna serve us anymore?”  says the one who ordered the shots, we’ll just call him Jamie for lack of a better name.

I replied, “No, sir, I’m still going to serve you, I just have to slow it down liquor wise.  Not a big deal, you’ll still get to drink I just can’t bring out more than a shot for each of you at a time.”

“You not cuttin us off are you?”  I just answered that.  Aren’t you supposed to be a vandy student?  says #2, Jimmy, (can you see where the theme is going?)

“No, sir, I’m not cutting you off.  I’m just slowing you down.”

“But you can’t do that, we’re paying customers!”  #3, James says, starting to get loud.

“Guys, relax, you’re still going to get your drinks, just not as many at a time as you have been getting.”

#4, Jim, has been quiet this entire time, and when I look to where he was sitting, I see why.  He’s not there.  I look around, and he’s walking back from the bar with 4 shots of Cuervo.  Problem solved I guess.

“I’ll be right back with your Jager Bombs.”

A little while later, I go back to the table, and they’re starting to get louder.  They’re now hooting at the girls as they walk by, and it’s now time to cut them off.  “Can I get you guys a couple of cokes or something, maybe some chips and salsa?”

“Bring us 4 more shots of cuervo.” says Jim.

“I’m sorry guys, I think ya’ll are about done for a while.”

“So you’re cuttin us off?”

“Yes, guys, unfortunately I am.  I just can’t by law serve you anymore, it’s not too big of a deal, we just don’t want anyone having a wreck or hurting anyone, accidents do happen.”  Maybe I should have done it the right way and had a manager cut them off.  Instead, I did it myself and made sure to tell the bartender.

“But we’re gonna pay for ‘em.”

“Sorry guys, my hands are tied.”  A couple of them are slurring, and the level of obnoxious is far too high for my tastes.  I drop off their checks, and walk off.  When I come back to get their money, they try to order a drink from me again.

“We’re not drunk dude, we can handle it.”

“Once again, I apologize, but I can’t serve you anymore.”  I take care of their checks, and come back.  There’s a 50 sitting on the table.  “That’s yours if you bring us our Jager bombs.”

“You tried to order cuervo shots, not Jager bombs.  Thanks guys but no I’m not getting fired because you want to get more drunk than you already are.”  I screwed my tip, and the old me would have taken the 50 bucks, but I value my job too much.

A little later, they’ve found someone else to serve them, and they come stumbling from the bowling alley to sit back down at one of my tables.  “Welcome back guys, ya’ll need some coffee or anything?”

“What do you mean welcome back, this is our first time back here.”

“No, I served you guys earlier.  You paid and I thought you left.”

“We just gettin here, we been to the bowling alley tonight.”  They’re totally sloshed now I see.

“Can we get some tequila over here?”

“Sorry guys, but I already served you once and I can’t bring you any alcohol.”  Right about that time, one of them decided to hurl on my table.  I really hate drunks.  I went and grabbed them some towels, and a trash can.  “Guys, I don’t clean biological waste, please clean up after your friend.”  The vomiter, Jimmy, has nearly passed out at this point.  “Is he gonna be alright?”

“Oh this happens all the time.”  That’s reassuring.  They ended up trying to leave and drive, even after I offered to call a cab.  I had the manager call the cops.  I’m not dealing with that shit.

I also don’t clean up puke.

Ribeye

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