As you all know, I work in an area that is a first come first serve area table-wise.  That means, as tables get up and cleaned, people don’t have to wait for a host stand.  This also means that people who go to the host stand in search of a table and are turned down, come straight to our area.  They come to our tables, they sit at them as soon as the previous guests have gotten up regardless of if the table is clean or not.

When they sit down at a dirty table, you’d think they would not care if they have to wait for a minute when we’re busy to get the table cleaned up, but no. No, that would be civilized, and we only get rednecks and ghetto trash on the night shift.  We don’t get nice families, at least not 78% of the time, that would be too much.   We get bitchy as hell people who demand that we “Get ovah heah and clean dis table!” and “Which one uh ya’ll gon’ get dis’ table clean?” and things like that.

Then we get the people who come in with a big group.  They come in with groups of 10 or more, trying to find a quick table.  They spy a table, empty of guest but full of dish.  They send one or two people to the table to claim it, and either turn in their pager and get off the wait list or they’ll get the rest of their party.  Here’s where I come in.

I walk to the table that has 2 people sitting there, amidst dirty dishes that I haven’t had a chance to clean yet because we’re slammed and short-staffed.  “Guys, I’ll be with you in a moment, let me get this cleaned up real quick.  By the way, how many is going to be in your party, is this everyone?”

LaQueethia, with her ankle holders a swinging and her weave looming ominously above my head (and I’m a tall mother fucker), answers, “Oh, we got like foteen uh fiteen.”

“You’re not all going to fit in this booth, ma’am, have you been to the dining room to get on the waiting list?”

“We don’ wanna sit in dat dinin room, we gon’ sit heah so ouah kids can play da game.”

“Ma’am, we don’t have tables that can accommodate a party of this size.”

“We ain’ all gon’ be sittin heah at da same time, why you don’ wanna serve us?”   Not particularly.

“It’s not that, I would just like you to be comfortable.  By the way, there’s going to be an 18% gratuity on your check for having a party of this size.”  I really hoped this would run them off.

“Bullshit, no der won’ be.  We ain’ all on one check, and we ain’ all eatin.”

“That’s not my fault, you have a large party and that’s the rules.  If you don’t want to pay it I don’t have to serve you, and if you’re not being served, I’m going to have to ask you to leave my table.”   They asked for the manager, and still refused to pay a gratuity.  I don’t know where they went after that, but they didn’t stay in my section.  I don’t really care that they left either, they were getting on my damn nerves.

I did end up having to take a party of 12 that piled into a booth made for 4 people.  They tried to not get gratuity also, and I shot them down.

Every single one of them ordered wings.

“I want dees wangs douba cook.  Day need ta be real well done.”  That’s kinda nasty, having double cooked wings.   “Yes sir, I’ll make sure that they cook them well done.”

“We all gon’ need exkra rainch.  You gon’ haf ta brang some bows of it.”

“I’ll have to charge for each extra side of ranch guys, that’s going to be at least 12 extra dollars if you’re going to have a bowl or 6.”

“But ranch come wit da wangs.  Why ya’ll chahghin fo it?”

“You only get one side of ranch for each order of wings sir, and I’m not going to give you any extra for free, that would get me fired.”

“Dis be bullshit.”

“Be that as it may, I still have to charge.”

They also got pissed because I charged them for lemonade.  Lots of lemons and water I brought for this table, and I don’t deal with ghettoade.

I’m so fucking tired of stupid people.  I have about 25 hours of vacation time that I have to use up before the end of January, and I need to take it soon or I’ll lose it.  The gist is, I need to fucking take it.  Then I need to get a promotion for the mere fact that I’ve lasted this long without losing my mind.

Ill give you some real rants in the next couple of days, for we’re very short staffed over New Years.

Ribeye

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