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Today, while looking at my Technorati Incoming Links, I noticed a new one entitled The Problem of Tipping on Valentines Day.  The author, StuartD, finds one of my earliest posts, Rules for eating out, Part 2: The Rules for Tipping, “detestable”.  I never thought I would actually need to defend any of those rules because they are pretty self explanatory, however, this person thinks himself above the rules.

First of all, Stuart, I’ve noticed that you are not in America, and I’ve heard that your tipping rules and automatic service charges are quite different from ours.  Don’t quote me, I could be wrong, but your servers make much better wages than 2 dollars an hour do they not?  They are not taxed on the tips the IRS thinks they SHOULD be making based on their sales are they?  They aren’t at risk of an audit if they have a busy night with little tippage to show for it, are they?

Let us examine for a moment, the rules that you hated the most.  First, we have the “No tipping 2 dollars every time you eat out” rule.  I will stand firm on this until the day that I die.  Two dollars is not an acceptable tip for every meal you eat.  If it’s a small check, 8-15 dollars, then yes, by all means, leave your two bucks.  If it’s anything more, then you should leave more, especially if your service was not found lacking!  I grow so tired of people like you who tip two dollars on every check they are given at a restaurant, be it ten dollars or a hundred.  With the taxes that we have to pay on our tipped wages, that 2 dollars is gone in an instant.  With the tip-out procedures that are in place at most restaurants, that two dollars is gone from our pockets if the check is more than 20 dollars.  You’ve not paid us, you’ve paid the other employees.

Rule #3, the social standard.  It’s true, Stuart, no matter how hard you try to deny it.  Were restaurants to pay their servers a decent wage, the prices of the food and drink would double at the very least, more likely triple or quadruple.  The social standard is 15-20%, and if you are not willing to pay that extra amount, then don’t go out to eat.  Only for bad service do you tip 10%, that way the server isn’t paying out of his/her own pocket to cover the money you didn’t leave for them.

Rule #4, telling you to not complain about the automatic gratuity.  Once again, as I said when I made the original post, complaining about the auto-grat is unacceptable.  Were we to be making a living wage paid by the restaurant, then this rule might not apply.  However, we do NOT make a decent wage paid for by the restaurant, we rely on the patrons to provide our wage.  In most restaurants, the automatic gratuity comes only with a party of 8 or more, and it’s a failsafe way to ensure that we make our wage.  Complaining about this gratuity and having it taken off tells us that you do not care how we’re paid, and that the next time you come in, we shouldn’t care about how you’re served.  It also says that you’re still living in a time when servers didn’t have to rely solely upon their tips.  The word gratuity may mean “a gift of money”, or “something given without claim or demand” but when it’s clearly stated in the menu then it is also part of your final bill, no matter the definition.  Complaining about it at this point is a social faux pas, and it’s just in bad taste.

Rule 7, which basically says to pay if you camp, means just that.  When you camp out at our table, not ordering anything, and not getting up, you are in essence robbing your server.  You are not giving other patrons the chance to sit at that table, and you are not giving us the chance to make our wage off of that table.  Anytime you camp out, watching the game, or just sitting because you want to be a prick, you are robbing your server.  For that, you sir can go to Hell.

You say that rule #8 is the final straw, and yes, it is rule #8.  10% is no longer an acceptable tip.  You can argue and whine about that all you want, but after taxes and tip-out, that 10% is more like 7.5% or less.  Let’s say you only got paid 6% of the wages you should be earning.  Would you be able to feed your family and pay your bills, Stuart?  Would you be able to take that buck-tooth beauty out for Valentines Day?  No?  It would all be tied up in endless bill paying?  Well, doesn’t that suck!  That’s what we go through when cheap bastards like you come into our restaurants, and believe me, we remember you.  We see you come in, and we pawn you off on servers who are sub-standard because we know you’ll shit on them the same way you shit on us.

It still boils down to this:  If you don’t want to leave a tip, then stay the fuck at home!  We don’t want to waste our time on you when we know it’s not going to get us anything.  If you happen to get a server who sucks, then I’m sorry for you.  That’s life, Honey.  If you get a server who does the right thing, like most of us do, then get the fucking bug out of your ass and leave a good tip.  We rely on you far more than you know.

You tell us to get another job.  Some of us can’t, some of us won’t.  Some of us made bad choices over the years, some are in school, some are like me and while we made bad choices, we could still get another job if we wanted to.  Me, I enjoy my job.  It pays my bills, and it gives me plenty of shit to put on this blog.  I love meeting new people every night and having fun with them.  I love getting good money, and I really love talking shit about my guests when they’re gone.  When I get bad tips, don’t be surprised if your name pops up on the Shitty Tipper Database if you paid me with a credit card.

Hope the Buck-tooth Beauty tips, something needs to offset your attitude, Stuart.

Ribeye

So it’s a little late in the game for this, but let’s all give a hearty Welcome Back to Ryan of I Serve Idiots, who has returned to his musings after a far too long hiatus.  He has returned, so all of you who stopped going there from my sidebar after he stopped posting, go back again. 

Ryan will also be participating in the Round Table, and there will be a new post of said Round Table either tonight when I finally get home, or tomorrow, and I don’t yet know who is going to host it as I haven’t yet made it home to my e-mail.  I’m posting from the Raging Partners job right now.

Ribeye

Let me be the first to let you all know that the Dumbass is spreading, and if you’re not careful, you’ll catch it just like everyone else.  It’s even spread to a member of my management staff.  Not just a member, he’s also the leader. 

We have a new general manager at my job.  You’ve heard me talk about him here before, a few times.  We all thought that he was going to do a great job, but so far, he’s just a dumbass.  Don’t get me wrong, he’s a very nice person, but this is his first time being a general manager, and as such, knows absolutely nothing about running the business. 

Some of the things he’s doing wrong:

1.  You don’t schedule 14 servers on a Wednesday night.  This is not the busy season, yet for some reason, this new manager is making sure that we have a total of 14 servers and three or more bartenders on the shift at any given time….during the week.  This would be alright if we had any sort of business.  We have NO business right now, and the servers are about an inch away from open rebellion from not making any money.  Anyone want to unionize??

Over Nazi-fying the uniform standards.  Anyone who has ever worked with or for me knows that I’m a big uniform nazi.  I always have been.  I expect people to have on the correct uniform.  If that means wearing pastels with buttons on the collars, tucked in, then I expect you to be wearing a pastel with a button down collar, tucked into your pretty little pants!  I expect uniforms to have a standard of cleanliness, and to not be overly wrinkled.  I can understand the wrinkles that come from bending over or driving to work, I get those all the time.  I don’t think that sending servers home because there is a little spot on their shirt – a spot that came from work onto a shirt that costs 25 bucks or more — is a good business deal.  This manager thinks that we make our tips from our uniforms, not our service skills.  Therefore, if we have any kind of spot on our shirt, we are sent home.  What if all of our shirts are stained?  That means we have to go out and buy new shirts, and let me tell ya, these aren’t the easiest to find like most uniforms.  You try finding a pastel, oxford, long sleeve, button down collared shirt for less than 25 or 30 bucks.  Sure, you might find some that don’t have buttons on the collars, but you’re not gonna find many.

Worrying more about people having breaks than letting them leave when sick.  A couple of days ago, Mizz Loh-retta was sick.  She talked to the manager about her illness.  He didn’t acknowledge her illness, instead he asked if she’d had a break the day before and if she was going to be able to take one that day.  Didn’t ask if she would like to go home and rest so she could get better, only worried about breaks so that he doesn’t get a bitching from his boss.

Not knowing how to talk to people.  I don’t know if this is just because of where he’s from, or just who he is, but this man doesn’t know how to talk to a person.  Whether it’s making small talk or asking an employee to do something, it always comes out of his mouth hatefully.  He doesn’t laugh, he rarely smiles, and he’s just not a nice person to be around.  Nobody wants to be around a dictator, even if it’s the manager.  A good general manager should at least be able to talk to his employees, and occasionally have a hint of a giggle with them!

Like I said before, he’s a really nice guy, but he doesn’t know what he’s doing!  There are all kinds of changes we need to make where I work, and he’s focusing on things that matter very little.  There’s supplies that we need to get fixed, employees who need their hours cut, training that needs an overhaul, and positions that need to be refilled.  He’s focusing on uniforms, breaks, and how to be a prick. 

I’m curious to know if your managers are like this one?  Have they caught the dumbass too?  Has it spread to other restaurants across the country? 

My last GM was awesome.  He worked, he laughed, he smiled, he talked, and when he bitched you out, he had a smile on his face and he wasn’t doing it because of missing a break.  He knew how to talk to people.  Mr. S, we want you back!!!

Ribeye

Everyone knows how much I hate ghetto trash, no matter the color.  Tonight was the full assortment!

I didn’t make the amount of money I should have made for almost 800 bucks of sales.  Just about 13% for the night.  Don’t get me wrong, I did make some good tips, but they just couldn’t make up for the bad ones tonight.

First we have the price checking bitches.  Starkesha and Weavetta.  “How much do dis be?”  “What do dat coss?”

Then we have the little ghetto family with the Ghetriarch..I just made that word up…Ghetriarch.  Anyway, this bitch obviously doesn’t care that her 14 year old child can’t read nary a word and can’t speak properly.  Oh, the joy of teenagers.  “What do dis come wit?” asks the 14 year old girl about the chicken fingers, stated clearly in the menu to come with fries.  Pointing at the picture of the wings and fries platter, “What do dat come wit?  Do it come wit fries?”  Maybe she was just a moron.  Then we have Momma Maybellina, “Brang me a ta-qualla mahgarita, don’t make it wit dat rum.”  “Ma’am, margaritas are made with tequila, that’s what makes them margaritas.  If they were made with rum instead of tequila, that would make them fruity mixed drinks, when they’re frozen we call them daquiris.”

“You stupid, mahgaritas be made wit rum, I wan mine wit some ta-qualla.”

“Right away ma’am.”

Then we have the fat women who couldn’t fit into the booth because the table next to theirs had pushed the seat back a bit.  “Why ya’ll boof be dis litta?  Is it jus me?  Is I too fat to fit in heah?”  I guess she thought she was being funny.

I could be funny too.  “Do you want the honest answer?”  I asked.  I still don’t know if she got what I was implying or not.

We had the kids who thought they’d be slick and get drinks.  “I loss my id lass week, but da managah say I can drank anyway.”  “Then the managah can be the one who serves you that drank, I’m not getting fired for it.”

Finally, we have the bitch and her faux gold tooth boyfriend.  They had the nerve to eat twice.  First time:

“I only gots eleven dollah.  How much dis philly gon’ be aftah tax?”

“Well, it’s about 9 bucks before tax, I’m going to assume it’ll be about 10 something.”

“Why you ain’ know fa sho?”

“Because my brain isn’t a calculator for percentages, only adding and subtracting, I’m very sorry.”

Total check comes out to be 10.04.   I drop it off and wander.  When I come back, bitch hands me two 5 dollar bills and a quarter and tells me in the sweetest voice possible : “Keep the change, sweety.”  Fuck you, you dirty bungfucking, cooze sucking, drippy snatched, weave wearing, ugly reddy rock smelling whore!

“Thank you just EVER so much.”  I snapped back at her.

They came back at last call, and I was pissed behind it because nobody else would serve them.  “You’re not seriously ordering at last call are you?”

“Yeah, we still be hongry.”

“Seriously?”

“Why, you ain’ wanna serve us?  You ain’ got no choice!  Brang us dis chicken philly heah with some jalapenos.”

“I’ll have it out as soon as I can, but it is last call so it may be a few minutes.”

“Is you gon’ cut it in half fo’ us?”

“No ma’am, but I’ll make sure to bring you a knife and an extra plate.”

Another 10.04 check, another 2 fives and a quarter.  Fuckin scrotum sucking, anus smelling ugly drippy snatched gonasyphaherpified cheap whore!

I’m thinking of changing my hours so that I don’t have to deal with the trash anymore.

Oh yes, I didn’t get the bar this time either, because “Your department just can’t lose someone as strong as you right now.  The store needs you to stay where you are.  The business is too important to put you somewhere else and have you start over.”  The whole time they were telling me these reasons, I kept saying to myself, “Bullshit bullshit bullshit.”  I merely heard, “You’re just not wanted behind the bar.  You’re just not wanted behind the bar.  Stop applying.  Stop applying.”  Well, they didn’t come out and say that, but I’m not going to apply next time unless I’m GUARANTEED a bartending spot.  A year and 5 months where I’m at and I’m not even getting to teach class anymore because people are prudes.

I teach an excellent class.

Ribeye