Ate up with the DUMBASS!!
Fun times, catching up, ghetto, gratuity, great people, stupid people Add commentsWow, has it really been over a week since I made a post that wasn’t just “filler”? Sorry about that everyone, but I’ve been either working my ass off (most of the week) or ill, (Wednesday and Thursday) and just didn’t feel like blogging. I’ll make sure to remedy that.
It’s been a long week this week, and I’m glad it’s almost over.
Early in the week, I discovered that while I was going to be making a very lucrative wage for the majority, I was to be surrounded by an onslaught of stupidity, more than the normal. I’ve sent more people into the mall to find a bathroom than I’ve ever done before, and I don’t know when I’ve been asked more, “Do you work here?”
Some of the answers I gave to people who asked that question this week:
“Do you work here?” asked while I’m tapping an order into the system. “No, I’m just a programmer.”
“Do you work here?” asked while I’m carrying a tray of drinks to a table. “No, I’m just helping myself, the service here is horrible!” I then served those guests, and still pulled out 18%.
“Do you work here?” I looked down at my apron and name tag…I hate wearing a name tag…looked back at the guest, and said simply, “No,” and walked off.
I don’t understand how people can not realize that you work at the restaurant, when you’re carrying food to tables in the restaurant.
I had a woman argue with me about her drink after ordering an Absolut and vodka on the rocks:
“Can I bring you anything from the bar, ma’am?” I ask her as I walk up to the ‘Skee Ball’ machine.
“Brang me uh Ab-salute an voka on da rock,” she replied, not missing a ball.
I didn’t catch it at first, being in a bit of a hurry, until I was asking for her ID. “You said a what?”
“Uh Ab-salute an voka on da rock! Ain’ ya heah me?”
“Do you just want a shot of Absolut on the rocks ma’am, or would you like it mixed with our house vodka?”
“Let me ’splain it to ya. I want a shot of voka, mix wit some Ab-salute, an’ ligh ice, in uh glass!”
“So you want a double shot of vodka, half house and half Absolut.”
“NO, you ain’ listenin! I wan voka mix wit Absolut!”
“Ma’am, Absolut is a brand of vodka, so mixing it with house vodka is going to make it a double shot of vodka.”
“Ab-salute ain’ no licka, it pink juice!” At this point, I realize she wants a vodka with cranberry, but she just is too stupid to vocalize it.
“No, ma’am, Absolut is vodka, and the only pink juice we have is cranberry juice.”
“Ab-salute is juice, you jus don’ know what you talkin bout.” I finally gave up. As I was walking off, I heard her talking to her boyfriend saying, “We ain’ comin heah no mo, dees waitahs don’ know what day doin.”
Yet I knew that Absolut wasn’t a juice.
Why am I constantly surrounded by a barrage of fucking imbeciles?
On a much lighter note, today (Saturday) while I was working an 11am to 1am double shift, I made over 300 bucks after tip-out and other shiftwise expenses…eating well and a supply of coffee and red bull. It was close to 400 before all that shit, and I made some new regulars. One party, a black party for all of you who think that all black people don’t tip, left me 40 bucks over their 30 dollar gratuity.
Let that be a lesson to all you naysayers that refuse to wait on black tables. It’s only the trash that doesn’t tip, black groups that are respectable and not hateful or running you like a dog tip great, and they are happy to sit and laugh with ya! Never let it be said again that black people don’t tip unless it’s phrased correctly. GHETTO black people don’t tip, so get it right!
Ribeye
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April 7th, 2008 at 9:00 am
i had a black lady this weekend send back her mojito because it contained soda.
“Did you make this with soda? I dont like soda!”
She then says she had one at Cool River and they dont use soda. Now based on the lady in question’s table poise I had to wonder who picked up the tab as Cool River is far from cheap and I have a friend who bartended there and they dont do odd ball drink recipes either.
So I explain that the key to a mojitos taste and mouth feel ie its lightness and being refreshing is from the soda. I finally get her to explain that the drink also isnt sweet enough.
Thus after 5 mins I teach her to order her mojitos with sprite no soda in the future-if she can rem all that next time. Im not holding my breath.
But I hear you Ribeye its hard to deal with people who have no clue to what their ordering. Personally I might if it was slow gotten the bartender to loan me a can of cranberry and a bottle of Absolut and a bottle of well vodka and poured her a blend of the 2 vodkas over ice and then added the cranberry esp after hearing her remark to her man except for the fact now you dont habve to deal with her dumb ass in the future.
April 8th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Are you able to keep a straight face when stuff like this happens? I’d be in trouble immediately because I would think that she was trying to have fun with me.
April 8th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
why don’t people know what the fuck they are ordering BEFORE they order it.
yes, i know usher sang about patron in a song, however you should know that patron is fucking expensive and don’t act surprised when the shot comes out to about 8 dollars you ghetto bastards….
thank god we don’t serve hypnotiq where i work.
April 9th, 2008 at 5:48 am
I had an opposite problem. I was a bartender in the Virgin Islands for a while and on one of my rare days off I went to a local bar for a margarita. Being a very transient area, there are many novices working at the bars during season and the one mixing my drink was one of them. She made my margarita with tequila, Sprite and a splash of sour. I told her that this wasn’t anything close to what I ordered and she said, “I’m the bartender here and this is a margarita. You just don’t know what you ordered.” I told her that this drink was more like a “popper” and not only was I a bartender, I had lived in Mexico for a few months so I knew what I was talking about. She told me that I still had to pay for it whether she made a new one “my way” or not since I had ordered it and she made it correctly. Where do these dummies come from?
April 9th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
I would have loved to have showed her bottle and the art books on the bottles of Absolut!
April 9th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
Take her picture.
‘Absolut Retarded’
May 13th, 2008 at 3:10 am
I had something like that once. A guy ordered a chicken fried steak and was pissed that it was fried beef.
I explained to him that chicken fried steak, means a steak, fried like chicken.
then he proceeded to eat it all, then complain to the Mngr afterwords. I’ll quote the boss the best when he said ” CHI-KEN fried STEAK, it’s made with cow asshole!”
But, when you own the place you can get away with that, hehe.