Welcome back for Part 2 of the Customer series.  As I said, this is probably going to be ongoing for a little bit, and I’m going to dive right into it.

The Ladies who Lunch:  These are the women you see in groups of 3 or more, all meeting at a restaurant within 30 minutes of each other.  They order water with lemon or unsweet tea with plenty of Splenda.  When you get these ladies with their husbands, kids or both, they are usually nice as pie.  They all work for a living and most have done what you’re doing.  However, when you get these ladies into their own little groups, be prepared for Hell on Earth.  They will all need extra things like napkins and lemons, but they’ll only tell you about them one at a time.  There will be one of the group, and only one, who will find something about her meal to bitch about.  She was the one who was hateful back in high school, and the other ladies will be scared to cross her.  If you’ve seen the movie Waiting think of the woman who said, “I don’t mean to be a bitch but….”

The Nascar Watchers:  People who come in to watch the race on your t.v.’s (or t.v. as is the case for some restaurants) will drink.  They’ll try to get cheap beer, like Busch, they’ll try to get cans of beer.  They’ll settle on longnecks.  They’ll arrive an hour before the race starts, and stay for 2 hours after the race is over, talking about the race.  They are loud, they are annoying, they are rednecks.  They don’t believe they’re doing anything wrong by paying for their food and drink after the first hour and a half, then taking up your table for the next two after that.  You’re getting paid a check after all, your tables being empty and turnable don’t matter at all!

The Handicapped Veteran:  The Handicapped Veteran is an older man, one who is now wheelchair bound that fought and was injured in some war that you’ve never heard of.  I’m not talking about WWII or Vietnam either, they flew fighter jets in Qumar and Vietkong.  They’re hateful old men, and they’ll run you over or park in front of your service bar in an instant to order for themselves.  They don’t have much money, because our government sucks ass and has fucked our veterans into becoming just what I’m describing, so they don’t have much to leave for a tip.  They delight in telling stories about the war, sharing with us how lucky we are and how we take our freedom for granted.  (Keep in mind, I have no problem with our veterans.  I’m very proud of them, just as I am proud of our current Armed Forces, they’re just annoying as Hell sometimes.)

The WIC Women:  These women are either totally ghetto or totally redneck.  The ghetto ones are not all black, so please don’t assume that.  These bitches come into the restaurant with 5 or more kids, all of them under 5 years old and all of them running wild.  They are hateful, rude little kids because their mothers spend more time watching Jerry Springer than watching the crotch spawn that came from their loins.  These women ask about all specials, including ones that don’t and never have existed.  They automatically assume that their kids will be eating free of charge, and will lose their temper when said kids meals appear on final bill.  Everything should be free for these women, after all, we already pay for their food stamps, why not their restaurant visit as well?

More coming soon…

Ribeye

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