I hate hate HATE it when people do that.  Case I’m describing right now?  Three women and one of their crotch spawn children.  I don’t know who the mother was, they all three ignored the brat and let him run wild.

Anyway, I go by the table when I see Shamika, Tarika, and Cockita sitting there, and greet them normally.  “Oh, we don’t need nothin, we had done ordered from the bah.”

“Well if you ladies do end up needing something, then just let me know, and I’ll be glad to get it for you.”  Fucking shit man, just sit at the bar and eat your fucking food.

A little while goes by, I start taking care of some other tables.  The table right next to theirs is a couple on their first anniversary.  I’m talking with them, they’re from out of town and want to know places they should see.  Suddenly I hear, “Hey, Ribeye.  Get ova here.”

“I’ll be with you in a moment, ma’am, I’m with another table right now.”

Tarika, “Where da hell her food be at?”  Keep in mind that at this point I have NO CLUE what this heifer has ordered, nor do I care because she didn’t order it from me.

“Ma’am, I’ll be right there to take care of it, I’m with another table right now.”  Both tables were black, one ghetto, anniversary table classy.

“We’ll she needs huh food main, she done ordahed it a houa ago.”

I get tired of listening to this bitch, and my other table is staring daggers into her.  If looks could kill, those women would be dust by now.

“What was it you ordered ma’am, so I can go check on it.  Also, who did you order it from?”

Cockita:  “It was some kinda spaghetti with some chicken and that white cheese stuff.”

“Alfredo, ma’am?”

“No, it ain’t no ulfreeda, it sometin else.”

“We’ll ma’am, we don’t have another dish with linguine, chicken and white cheese sauce other than alfredo.  Can you tell me who you ordered it from?”

Shamika answered, “It was one of dem bartendas.  One of dem guys.”  There is a male and female bartender back there.  Maybe they just couldn’t see properly.

“I’ll make sure to ask them.”  I find out what they ordered, and go to the kitchen, there’s no ticket for it.

“Ladies, I’m sorry, but there may have been a mixup in the kitchen, have you already paid for the food?”

Tarika, “Oh HELL NO!!  It’s done been ova a houa fo huh food, brang a managa right now, we done spent ova 300 dolla here and now she cain even get some food ta eat!”

“Ma’am, give me a minute to find out, and I’ll send him right over.”

“You betta hurry up, ya’ll done fucked up!”

“Ma’am, there’s no reason to be demanding with me, I’m not the cook who lost the ticket, nor the bartender who rang the ticket in!”

She just shut up, at least till I walked off.  I’m sure she’ll be calling corporate on me, but I don’t care.  I was civil as long as I could have been in that situation, and I’m not going to be talked to like a dog by someone I’m not even serving.

The moral of the story is, if you order food from the bar, and then sit at a table, the busy bartender is most likely going to forget about it, especially when the bar is 3 people deep on all sides.  Best to just sit there and wait on your food like a good child, and eat it there.  Also, just keep a tab open until the food is out.  Fucking morons.

My anniversary couple asked to move to the other side of the room so as to not be associated with the bitchy women.  I didn’t blame them, and gladly continued serving them for the remainder of the evening.

Come back later for more,

Ribeye

      This post is going to address some of the fashion faux pas that are going on these days in public.  Let’s start with the first part of the title.  Ankle holders.  We’ve all seen them.  Trashy women, both black and white wear them.  They’re the ginormous earrings that really are bracelets that have been broken in a spot, and hooked to the ears.  I swear, what are these women thinking, actually going out in public with earrings that you could put a wrist through?  I know the reason men like them, because when they put their women’s legs behind their head they have convenient hooks and their women’s fat asses don’t pull their legs back down easily.  But what’s the purpose of wearing these ugly as sin things out to eat in a restaurant.  I’ve seen pairs that are big enough to lay on the womans shoulders as she ate.  Come on now, a restaurant is NOT a nightclub and it’s NOT a swingers club or private sex club.  Keep those ugly things at home, and wear something tasteful.

Those ankle holder earbracelets are usually accompanied by the over the top daisy dukes.  I call them “camel shorts” because they aren’t just shorts, they are camel toe makers.  It’s not just on slutty women, it’s on slutty girls.  I’ve seen girls as young as 13 come into my job, wearing shorts that all but show off some nasty assed cooze to all the chesters out there, sitting with their legs spread, and talking like they’ve been fucking for years.  Of course, in some of those cases, i’m sure they HAVE been having sex for years, maybe their dad or uncle or someone got to them early.  But once again, why would you want to show off your goods like that when you’re going out to eat?

Women, do you all really think that kind of thing looks good?  I’ve even seen these “fly outfits” at fine dining places.  Parents are letting their little girls wear these clothes, knowing they look like trash!  Learn how to raise your kids people, or they’ll end up pregnant and diseased by the age of 15.  Do you just want to make sure you have grandchildren?  Or do you already have grandchildren?

I’ve noticed this epidemic of trashy dress mainly in the redneck trash and ghetto trash communities, but it’s spreading like the plague to the higher classed families.  Those are the families where the parents work too much to actually do any child raising of their own.

There are girls in my neighborhood that just make me want to hurl.  One of them looks like she’s been on crack all 16 years of her life, she’s skinny as a rail, smokes black and milds, has an inbred child, and let’s her 4 year old son run around in the street as she makes out with her ghetto boyfriend on the porch.  The child is half white/hispanic.  She’s white and ashamed of it or something, she doesn’t talk to other white people according to her neighbors.

The other girls walk around with her every night, smoking cigarettes, one of them pregnant with her SECOND CHILD.  Ankle holders and barely any clothing, and just smoking away.

Why are parents letting their kids run wild?  Are parents just too high and drunk to care these days?  Well, the mother of one of them is busy getting it on with her sons friends, that was witnessed by half the neighborhood when they screwed in the front yard one afternoon, drunk as hell.

If my sister had ever gone out in public dressed like an 8th avenue hooker with GonaSyphaHerpiAids like half the girls in America today, she’d have been locked up and never allowed to go out again, fuck freedom.

This is what we’re letting our kids turn into…..

Ribeye

    As I promised, the “at the table to-go food eaters” thread has arrived.  It happened to me tonight actually.  I was in the bowling alley tonight, and was having a good time at first.  Then, “Monique” let out.  We got swamped with a bunch of fat people, a bunch of ghetto people, and a ton of annoying as hell people.

One of my lanes thought it was a good idea to order all of their food to-go.  I figured they were just going to take it home with them, so I brought them to-go silverware with their orders.  Little did I know…

Chlamidya: “Can we get some real forks?”   As soon as she asked, I knew what was coming.

“Give me just a moment, ma’am, and I’ll have them right out.”

Champaignitta: “Hurry up, da food be gettin cold.”  I just said I’d have it in a moment bitch, don’t fucking rush me.

I bring them their silverware, about a package full of napkins and wet naps for their ribs and wings, and 4 glasses of water.  They don’t really run me that much, they just make a huge mess.  I guess the throw away boxes they had for their wings and ribs just weren’t good enough to hold the bones, because they all ended up on the floor.  When I brought them the check, they paid with a credit card.   I took the slip back to them, and Chlamidya asks me, “Why is there a line for a tip on here, all our food was to-go?”  There ya have it.  People actually think that when the food is to-go, they don’t have to leave a tip, even when they fuck up your lane, and run you like a dog.  Dirty crotch-rotted whores.

We also ended up running out of wings, which made one of my guests extremely pissed off at me.  We’ll name her LaSquisha.

LaSquisha: “I want some BBQ wangs.”  No please, no may I.

“I’m sorry ma’am, we ran out of wings about an hour ago.”

“I don’t believe you, you just don’t wanna get em for me.”

“No, ma’am, we ran out an hour ago, there’s nothing I can do about it.”

She huffs, “Well what da fuck im pose ta eat now?”

“I’m not sure ma’am, but there’s a full menu right there if you’d like to take a look.”

“Can’t you just go to anotha place and get some wangs from dem?” Sorry honey, I have other guests, and I’m not taking time out to go hunting other restaurants for wings, especially when you’re not going to tip.

“Ma’am, we’re not allowed to do that I’m sorry, but I’ll gladly get you something else that we’re not out of.”

“You ain’t got no damn wangs, what I’m pose to eat?  Wait, ya’ll got some drums?”

“Ma’am, those are mixed in with the wings in our buffalo and bbq wing appetizers, they are mixed together in the bag when we get them from the supplier.”

“You sayin you can’t give me no drums neitha?  What the fuck I’m pose to eat?”  Just how many times can you possibly ask me that bitch?

“I’m not sure ma’am, but I’ll gladly give you some time to look over the menu.”

I walked off, and went to take care of another guest.  When I got back to her, I asked again.

“Ma’am, have you decided what you’d like tonight?”

“Well I want some wangs.”

“I’m sorry about being out of wings, ma’am, but I can’t do anything about that.”

“Then I don’t want nothin!  Just go away and leave me alone.”

I swear she was crying when I walked off….

Also, for those of you out there who assume I’m going to say that all black people don’t tip, some do.  They are the ones with CLASS, and aren’t trash.  I waited on a great party tonight, non-ghetto, all black, that LOVED ME, and left me a 40% tip, which was another 22 percent over the gratuity.  They asked to be moved away from their ghetto trash cousins, and one of the women in the party asked me to not judge based on them.  “Some of us aren’t trash baby, those kids over there, they’re just trash.”  I wanted to marry her right then and there!

Come back later for more people

Ribeye

I really hate to be like this..but I’m slowly learning, after a couple of my guests last night before Party Hell started, that it’s just hard for me to serve people when I can’t tell if they’re looking at me or at the wall.  I have friends with slight eye problems, where one of the eyes are just kinda off kilter a bit.  Then we have the guys like last night…two of them…bowling….I swear every time they threw a ball I was scared for my life….

You know the kind, and if you are the kind then I apologize to you but I also know myself, and I’d not be able to serve you and keep a straight face.  There are procedures to fix your eyes when there is one facing to the front and one facing way off to the right somewhere like one of the fucking weasels from Who Framed Roger Rabbit? and I think it’s about time you got it done.  I know it’s mean, and hateful, and rude, but it’s also creepy, and weird, and just plain hard to wait on!

These people are also what I like to call “Entitlement Junkies”.  Just because they have a physical deformity, everyone should cater to their every whim.  I’m sorry, I’m not going to kiss someones boots just because I can’t look them in the eye when they ask for another beer.  I’m not going to lick scrotum just because your eyes are so fucked up it looks like you’re a fucking lunatic.  I’m not going to give you anything free either, just because the person on the lane/table next to you is laughing at you and you know it!!!

One of the guys was talking to me and I really and honestly thought he was talking to his friend.  The other one talked to me and I thought he was talking to the wall.

People say that I’ve just been serving too long and this kinda thing just comes with the territory.  I don’t think that’s the case.  I’ve dealt with this in other jobs also.  Freaked me out then too.

Again, if you have this deformity, please just….well eat at home…or at least when I’m off work.

Hate me if you will, I apologize again.  I’m only human

Ribeye

Let me start this off with a message to Leslie, who was kind enough to comment a couple of my posts.

First of all, if you’d seen some of my other posts, I bitch about white people and hispanic people just the same.  The fact that you read some of my ghetto posts just shows that you’re picking and choosing.

When you say to “QUIT TRYING TO IMITATE THE SO CALLED EBONICS THAT YOU THINK BLACKS TALK”, I just have to say, I only type it exactly as I hear it.  It’s not all black people that I have a problem serving, and it’s not all black people that don’t tip.  I’m talking about ghetto trash, plain and simple.  I don’t have a problem waiting on black people that actually know how to speak, dress, and act, much the same as I have no problem waiting on white people who know how to speak, dress, and act.  What I don’t like are the redneck white people and ghetto black people who come in and run me to death for no money, while letting their kids run rampant because they’re too busy getting trashed on Hennessey and Budweiser and getting pissed because we don’t have Bud Ice, and thinking that every problem with the food is my fucking fault!  I give everyone the same service, regardless of how I feel about them personally, and the black people you’re defending are the ones that other black people are embarrassed to be seen with.

Also, with the whole “crackers” comment:  Did I ever once use a racial slur other than ghetto black folks?  No, I did not.  Those of you who don’t tip are trash, just like any white person that doesn’t tip.  I’ve got MANY black friends who are servers and won’t wait on ghetto trash, so why shouldn’t I bitch about it?  BTW, I drive a Thunderbird, bitch.

To everyone else!  Welcome back!

There were parties all through my job tonight, private parties, so no tips till the paychecks.  These people had to be the most rude people that have ever stepped foot into my job.  Demands left and right.  Standing in everyone’s way as we tried to get to the bar to pick up their drinks.  No tips on their drink tickets, no tips when they started individual tabs.  I’ve never seen the entire serving staff of my job ready to call for a strike at the same time.

I don’t understand why once people KNOW their private party is over, and they have to pay for their own drinks and food, that they should tip on top of it?  Just because there was a gratuity on the bill your boss is picking up, doesn’t mean there’s one on your individual checks.  Just tip already!

Then we have the servers who worked the private party, who decided they didn’t need to help clean up the overflow shit, and leave it for those of us who had to deal with their drunk asses once they got done in the party rooms.  I just want to stab them all.  I have to say that even with my long night, and extra hour and a half of cleaning up after other servers guests, I still made some decent tips tonight.

Anyway, more interesting stuff later,

Ribeye