“Excruse me, Lemme axe you a quersson. Is ya’ll be havin’ a fawnction fa da Gawspel peoples?”

The actual translation to that, I believe is: Excuse me, let me ask you a question. Are you holding a function for the Gospel people?

I’m very sorry, but the only thing worse than the Gospel Christians in my book are the white Christians. They always sing in your presence, they’re fucking loud and annoying, they can rarely speak proper English (see also, Title of the Post), and they always want to try and remake your menu.

The woman mentioned in the title of the post wasn’t necessarily a bad person…at least not at first. It was later in the night when I encountered her, well after the “Gospah funkon” had begun. There were 300 people scheduled to attend, and they only ordered food for 150. The other 150 had to come get their own food from the actual dining areas as opposed to the buffet’s set up for their use. I saw this one as she came in from the mall, and from the start, I didn’t want to serve her.

First, she had the little name badge that people in conventions tend to wear, worn around her neck. Second, she was wearing one of the most floral printed, bright pink with red and orange, barely containing the body it surrounded for how large she was, ugly as sin dress that I’ve ever had the misfortune to witness outside of a video taped, made for television, third hand B horror movie; it was that bad. Third, she had so much weave piled atop her head that it made us all wonder how she managed to keep her neck from breaking under the strain. It was like she had wrapped the “hair” around various different cups of varying sizes and topped it off with an ugly feather. She wasn’t really old, maybe late 30’s, she was just really weird scary. For the purposes of this post, we’ll call her LaFreelianna (from the wrong number that called and left a message on my voicemail today).   Read the rest of this post “After the Jump” as they say, as it’s quite long.

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Just a quick post to let you all know that the Horror Stories section of RagingServer.com is now up and running.  I’m sure most of you have seen the button at the top of the page, but it is offically up and running with a contact form for the submissions.

I’ll keep it as updated as I can which means I can’t update unless you send in your work.  I’m going to post your first name when you submit, and if you want me to only will I post your e-mail address.  If there’s no name in your e-mail, I’ll post the first part of it, the part that comes before the .com.  Everyone have fun with this.

Ribeye

After promising it forever now, the RagingPartner and I have finally got my Horror Stories page ready for action.  You’ll notice at the top of the screen now, there’s a button to go to the Horror Stories page.  Included on that page is a contact form to send me your story, or the stories of your friends.

Now that it’s actually online, I think it’ll be a big hit.  I’ll keep them updated as often as I get the stories, so I’m hoping you guys help me out with this.  I kept saying there were new things coming, and I’m glad that this is one of them.  There’s already a couple posted, so check them out!

Ribeye