I don’t know if I’ve mentioned these before, but Heely’s are a true evil in the world today.  There’s nothing worse for a server than to be carrying a tray of very hot food, or a tray of very full drinks then to run into a child rolling around on their heels, then get yelled at by the parents because we dropped the tray on their rolling child’s head.

For those of you who don’t know, Heely’s were invented by one Roger Adams.  You can read his story here.  

This man has invented this evil creation, this thing that lets kids go from walking to rolling in the blink of an eye.  They’re more of a plague to restaurants and polite society than any swear word.  God forbid you try to tell a child they can’t use their heely’s in a restaurant.  You can tell them “This isn’t the skate park, you can’t roll around in here” and their parents won’t say a word.  The kids whine and cry to them if we say anything, and once again, they’re rolling again.  It’s also apparently not legal for us to throw something in front of the brats to make them fall to the ground as they roll past.

Some of you may be wondering, “If you don’t have a pair, how can you judge?  Are you just jealous that you can’t do them?”

The answer to your questions are this:  I’m not jealous, I was great at skating as a child, but those things just look stupid, and they are a menace.  How would you like it if some kid came through the restaurant you were eating in, and rolled right into you?  It happens, don’t think it doesn’t!  How would you feel if your party’s food was being brought out, and boom, the server runs into a 5 year old rolling around on his heely’s, dropping your food on his/her head?  The first time it happened, I felt a little bad.  The second time, I decided I’d probably have to be more agile with a 20 pound tray on my shoulder, of 6 martini’s on my tray that spill at the slightest movement.  The third time, I lost it on the kid and his parents, as I’d told them all that skating was not allowed in our building, and it was their own fault.

I can only hope that Roger Adams will die a slow painful death for inventing these vile creations, and that parents stop buying them for their kids.  Teenagers should know better, skating went out a decade ago.  Just ride a skateboard at the park, but don’t bring it into my restaurant.

DEATH TO HEELY’S!!!!!

Ribeye